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Post by kittywinkins on Jul 18, 2007 3:25:27 GMT -5
(Stormy's latest poetic concoction is as follows. Have fun pointing and laughing! Oh.. and before you ask.. I have absolutely NOOO idea what a pudderwinker is. I think maybe a big butterfly or something.. maybe you should go find one and ask it.)
I was passing through the woods one day, just watching oceans cry, When I saw a pudderwinker flash and flutter by. I don’t know how it got there, nor where, nor why, nor when, But it passed on by me, flapping, flapping ‘bout the glen.
I was walking in the pasture, just watching grasses grow, When I heard thunderous hoof beats clatter down below; Don’t ask me how it’s possible, don’t ask me when or why, because I couldn’t tell a pony from a dratted horsy-fly.
I was strolling down on boardwalk, just list’ning to the rain When I spied a pretty kitty-cat prancing down the lane. I don’t know how she did it, nor when, nor why, nor where, And I guess, I suppose, I don’t really, really care.
© Robin G 2007
(Constructive criticism, please?)
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Post by | | Fudgey | | on Jul 18, 2007 3:58:41 GMT -5
XXDD That's good. Mind a tiny point of constructive feedback? ...^^
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Post by kittywinkins on Jul 18, 2007 13:01:17 GMT -5
Oh, please! ^^
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Post by | | Fudgey | | on Jul 18, 2007 14:06:23 GMT -5
I can find a rythm through the entire thing - at some parts it is a little trickly but it is definatly there. Apart from the end line. I just can't find it! XP
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Post by kittywinkins on Jul 18, 2007 15:30:31 GMT -5
-reads through again-
Yeah... I think it's harder to find it in the end line of the first stanza.
But I have this thing about my poems: almost always at the end of one, I end it like this: And I guess,-pause- I suppose,-pause- I don't really REALLY-emphasise second really- care.
I dunno why... it just sound good to me that way. ^^
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Post by ask on Jul 19, 2007 3:12:18 GMT -5
Where, care. :U
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Post by | | Fudgey | | on Jul 19, 2007 5:13:04 GMT -5
Oh! I see eet now...^^ *is confuffled at Frosty's words*
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