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Post by kittywinkins on Aug 25, 2007 15:12:39 GMT -5
Oh. Good idea. Hmm.... THE LAST FRONTIER! Oh.. sorry. um.. Irrevocable Phenomenon? XD
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Post by Cari on Aug 25, 2007 15:14:39 GMT -5
...what?
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Post by smiley. on Aug 25, 2007 15:29:24 GMT -5
Well, here's what KILLING them is, the ritual ( you must kill them all different ways, XXDDD ) Redundant Extirpate I couldn't find anything bigger than that. I CONSIDERED phenomenon, but that sounded too much like a good thing. But I like that one (:
And the gathering where they DECIDE who to kill? Climactic Parley.
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Post by ask on Aug 25, 2007 21:46:39 GMT -5
Too many big words. D:< Big words are redundant, seeing as short words can convey the same meaning. Why are they being killed? Why can't there be more then 27 wolves? Are they just going to be slaughtered, or going to be used as a sacrifice?
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Post by smiley. on Aug 25, 2007 23:20:19 GMT -5
Well, I like big words. They make me seem like a better author AND it helps you get published AND it makes the book just...BETTER. As in, NOT a kindergarten level book.
Here's how it works: It is a custom by Celestial Moira ( as I will state in the book ) to have no more and no less than 27 wolves by the date of the Climactic Parley, which is the last event before a new year begins. The alphas decide upon X number of wolves that need to 'leave'. They decide on whether or not a wolf should say by three things : 1. how useful they are to the pack 2. how respectful and most likely to succeed 3. there must be at least one of each rank.
Usually they choose unimportant things, like a pup a subordinate and something that is needed to be replaced. example : if there is a new aufpasser needed, they'd kill that aufpasser and a new one would take charge.
And they are sort of sacrificed. The rules say that each killed member must be slaughtered in a different way, whether it's : drowning battle fire starvation lack of air quick and easy
stuff like that. the bodies are put in the ( insert two big words for prophetic circle here ) outside of camp where the carcasses are laid for scavengers to feed off of.
and the best part is what's going to happen in the first story. Paint, Nami's pup, is going to be one of the ones decided to be killed. And, FROSTY, you're probably wondering why:
Earlier in the story Paint will be off on her test. Each pup must be tested before they can become a lehrling ( or apprentice.) and so she's off hunting on her own part of the territory as a test. Well, one of the packs kidnaps her and interrogates her as they demand answers. They get Paint back later on, but Taku assumes she betrayed them. Later on at the Climactic Parley, Nami apposes killing Paint, but after Taku tells his story most of the alphas agree. Nami tells Paint of her true history and Paint is forced to run away from all she's ever known. Then, in my seconndddd story, something'll happen to where Taku dies and all is peaceful.
Except for the fact that every other pack has declared war on Luminous Incandesce for not immedaitely trying to find Paint and kill her, for Celestial moira is angry. But, ha, like that is a bad thing, right? ;]
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Post by kittywinkins on Aug 26, 2007 0:30:52 GMT -5
ooh.. I like that. A way for the pack leaders to exterminate trouble-makers, or wolves they don't like, huh?
Oh.. and it's opposes. (:
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Post by smiley. on Aug 26, 2007 9:22:22 GMT -5
:]
yayy, i've got a hit!
Now, out of ten, how much does my WHOLE story idea sound like warriors? 10 being the ACTUAL warriors book, and 1 being...a hannah montana book ( the farthest thing from warriors there is )
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Post by kittywinkins on Aug 27, 2007 1:09:48 GMT -5
Um... actually, I think Babysitter's Club is farther than Hannah Montana. Hannah Montana has some small parts of violence in it.(How do I know? I've been forced to sit through torture sessions where I must watch Drake and Josh, Lost, Hannah Montana, and the Suit Life of Zack and Codey. Thank God they didn't make me watch That So Raven, though!)
uhhhh...... 6?
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Post by ask on Aug 27, 2007 1:21:49 GMT -5
Well, I like big words. They make me seem like a better author AND it helps you get published AND it makes the book just...BETTER. As in, NOT a kindergarten level book. ------- Pah. Use too many big words and you sound like a preschool kid with an oxford dictionary attached to her arm. Plus, it may get you published, but would people read it? With weird words that don't really need to be there. D; I dunno, but to me, I wouldn't read a book crammed full of overly long words that don't need to be there. For me, it would be a five. Now, where do these wolves go when they die? The big wolf den in the sky? Or do they disappear forever? (Like in real life. No, I'm not saying people don't go to heaven or heaven doesn't exist, I'm saying that in Warriors you may contact them, but in real life you can't. Unless you're dead too? ) I don't really like the idea at all. It is interesting, but I don't like it. But hell, go on with it, I'm sure it'll be a hit. xD Don't listen to one old fool. I just don't like wolves. (As the focus of a story or a role-play or a movie. Real wolves walking around are fine.) They're just overexposed? -shrug- I hate movies revolving around wolves. There was this lame movie of this one gal who had a special connection with a wolf. She could hold it's pups and stuff without it getting all angry. In the end the evil guy took the gal hostage and the wolf saved her. LAME. OVERDONE. FAIL. Roleplay about wolves: Alpha female (Usually hormone-high teenage gal) suddenly out of God knows where get's her period and the point of the roleplay is to win her heart, which you can oddly do in less than a few hours! (In role-play, not real time.) (Must be a very *friendly* personty wolf.) OH OH, AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE BLUE/VIOLET EYES!
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Post by kittywinkins on Aug 27, 2007 1:41:38 GMT -5
Pah. Use too many big words and you sound like a preschool kid with an oxford dictionary attached to her arm. ---- While it's true that too many big words are too much, I'd like to say that just by using small words, it doesn't mean that it's a kindergarden book.(In fact, it rather annoys me when I have to get up and look a word up in the dictionary twenty times when reading a book, like I did when I was trying to read that Stephanie Meyer's book.) A kindergarden book is like this. Sarah was a girl who lived in a log cabin with her family. Her family had sheep. Everybody had a special job. Her brother fed the sheep, her dad shaved the sheep, and she and her mom spun the sheep's wool into thread. Sarah worked hard to do her job well.
Or at least.. that's how the books I read in kindergarden were... they were all about farm animals and log cabins in the woods.
I dunno.. in real life, since animals don't have souls, they'd just be gone. Period. Of course, the Buddhists and the Hindus believe that they become part of the great nothingness up there, or else are reincarnated into a grasshopper or something.
I like wolves, and I like the books and role-plays if they're done right. I used to LOVE the book Runt. I also LOVED the Call of the Wild, and White Fang. Oh. and Julie and the Wolves.
But yeah.. those movies are lame. Like the new, modern Lassie movie... a city boy moves to the country and just happens to find a dog that looks EXACTLY like Lassie. She follows him around, and saves him from a bear, and then one day he has to go and save her from evil teenagers on four-wheelers. Yaddah yaddah. The origional Lassie was awsome, but I loved it mostly because it didn't have that whole stupid climax thing. It just had the story of the loyalty and love between a boy and his dog and that was so... sweet.
The problem with wolf role-plays is that they are either infested with illiterates, or else they have so many rules and forms it's not funny: I once joined a wolf role-play sight that was really literate and cool.. but then I got thrown out because I didn't use a FORM for saying I was going to be gone for a few weeks! Seriously! They had forms for EVERYTHING! I'm suprised there wasn't a form you had to fill out to say you were signing off, or had to go to the bathroom.
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Post by smiley. on Aug 27, 2007 6:24:37 GMT -5
Well, Frosty. 1. I hate wolf movies to. 2. I had to do SO much research before I started writing this, it isn't even funny. I wouldn't have done wolves except for that it's original. The ONLY wolf TRILOGY out there is Manga... MANGA. Gross.
And they go to Celestial Moira, not StarClan. They can contact Aufpasser, Alphas, Apothecaries and Gammas, but that is it. The caregiver, the leaders, the healers, the spies. But you can't see or smell them, like I said, you can only hear them. ANyting I forgot? Sorry, it's six in the morning
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!
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Post by kittywinkins on Aug 27, 2007 15:52:59 GMT -5
Have you ever read Runt, Smiley? It's an easy-reader, but it's reeeally good. Yeah, I noticed that there aren't any more-than-one-book series about wolve.s. unless you could Julie of the Wolves.
Wolves are origional.. though not quite as origional as muskrats. I'm obsessed with muskrats right now. XD I'm writing a story in Cat Talk about tap-dancing wild muskrats wearing fluffy pink tutus. XD
That's more like Warriors than almost anything else in your story, Smileh.
In mine, there's a Zion, and Gehenna(Heaven and Hell) but once you're there, you can no longer escape. There's also Acheron, Sheol, Tophet, Elysium, and Nirvana, which are sort of netherworlds, places where you can get trapped, between heaven and hell.
But your idea's cool, too.
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Post by kittywinkins on Sept 1, 2007 0:43:48 GMT -5
Well, I like big words. They make me seem like a better author AND it helps you get published AND it makes the book just...BETTER. As in, NOT a kindergarten level book. ------- Pah. Use too many big words and you sound like a preschool kid with an oxford dictionary attached to her arm.
Plus, it may get you published, but would people read it? With weird words that don't really need to be there. D; I dunno, but to me, I wouldn't read a book crammed full of overly long words that don't need to be there. *******
I was reading a writing guide today, and it said VERY clearly that, "Don't use many long words. Especially not in dialogue. It sounds unnatural, and readers will hate you for making them spend more time looking words up in a dictionary than reading the freakin' book." Err... but that above quoted section was, of course, Stormified.
This is how it'd sound, Smiley:
Emily Elizabeth Annabelle Jorginson strolled briskly along the crossways until she met Jennifer Ann Marie Crywells. "Salutations, of greatest of platonic companions!" Emily professed. "How charming it is to invision you again, oh Emily Elizabeth Annabelle Jorginson!" her friend proclaimed exaultingly.
XDDDDDDD
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Post by smiley. on Sept 1, 2007 16:00:55 GMT -5
-.- Mmkay, you see, do you think that I'm that stupid? Hell, I sure hope not.
Here's basically what I'll be like: “Please, Kerosene, I’m begging!” all that could be heard whilst everyone slumbered peacefully was the wind blowing with Nami’s cries, which seemed so much louder than they really were. Tears welled over her eyes as she cried just softly enough to remain quiet, using her long tail to shield the four newly-born pups beside her from the cold snow that was falling gently from outside, a vast and stunning winter wonderland would’ve been called so by humans, but by wolf-kind it was simply called snow-fall, and the frost and ice could claim enough prey and wolves to leave them hungry and saddened for two complete moon rotations. Nami, the female alpha of her pack, Luminous Incandesce, had never shown weakness to a less-ranking member to her, and she feared this sudden loss of strength.
Ughh, too many run-ons O.O -fixes-
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Post by kittywinkins on Sept 3, 2007 21:42:33 GMT -5
Um... Sorry, and I hate to say it, but it's boring. I'm a details person myself, but in order to be a critic, I gotta say you need to cut out more of the details, or work tehm in later. Big paragraphs look tedious, and are hard to tackle. Mix it in with some dialogue, and it's be better. Also, it's kind of confusing. Especially this part: all that could be heard whilst everyone slumbered peacefully was the wind blowing with Nami’s cries. I know it makes sense to you, and I know it makes sense to me, but it's still hard to understand, unless you think about it hard enough, and something my writing teacher hammered into my head is unless you're writing a science paper for EXTREMELY intelligent scholars, then you need to assume that your readers are complete idiots. So maybe something more like this? 'While the peaceful night wore on, Nami's cries could bearly be heard on the soft evening breeze.'
Just a suggestion, but..
Oh, and it needs more action, too
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